There was a time in my life where I was really drawn to this idea of the being 'born again' as presented within the religions that are based on this point of being 'born again'. It was the idea of being able to 'start again' with a 'clean slate' - and within this what is implied is that I wanted to 'let go' or 'get rid of' my whole past, at least the 'negative' parts of it. I wanted to no longer be 'trapped' within/by my past, as the definition I'd imposed on myself based on my past experiences and the personality I developed in the context of my past experiences and how I 'believed' the world/others saw/thought of me/defined me as. I wanted to 'get away' from the personality that I didn't even understand how it had been formed. I felt so limited within the 'definition' of who I was/had become, and wanted so badly to be 'released' from, basically, who I was. This idea of being 'born again' seemed liked that was just what it was meant to do - give you a fresh start, a new beginning, to be a new you, no longer stuck to the past.
I didn't have any urge to join any religions based on the 'born again' point as I wasn't into the idea of spending time worshipping a god or anything, I just liked this idea of being 'free' from all the accumulated bullshit in my life. All the 'bad' experiences and memories, I just wanted them to no longer exist, so I could feel like I could actually live life.
So in taking this idea of being 'born again' I tried to just 'shake off' all the past and pretend as if it didn't exist or still have a hold over me - and that was the problem. It didn't actually work, because I was still my past, and in order to simply, suddenly no longer be my past, the only way I could do that was if I pretended to myself that was the case and that I was actually and had actually released myself from my past. So I saw the fuckup, in that I'd have to actually deceive myself into believing it was true.
Why couldn't I have just simply let go of the past? In a single moment? Because I had literally become it - it was not some 'external accessory' that I could just 'throw off' like a jacket or a pair of sunglasses, but the past was literally infused within and as me, as it was who and what I had lived as and through, throughout my whole life, over years and years, it was the very personality I was still living as. You see - in order for the past not to be still here in and as me now and directing/influencing/effecting me now, I'd have to actually change who I am, what I live as, how I live. I'd have to actually pinpoint just how and where in specificity I have allowed the past to define me. I have to actually look at me here and see/identify where and how I still live out the patterns of behavior that I formed within events in my past. This implies quite a process that could take several years, depending on my consistency and application within walking myself through my past and identifying these points. So obviously, this is not something one can do in just a single moment, like with a 'snap of the fingers' and 'poof' I have changed. And simply identifying the points is not all there is to it either - once the points are identified, you then have to stop living as those points/behaviors, which have literally become infused within and as oneself as habits that one has simply been living out since the pattern was formed, usually since childhood. So these patterns have become quite ingrained, and as such, it can take quite some 'effort' to no longer participate in the same behaviors that one is so used to, and that has come to form the very 'definition' of 'who one is'.
For example, if you had the behavioral pattern of getting stressed out/angry whenever your boyfriend would forget to take out the trash, then in the event when he forgets, you'd have to actually stop participating in that reaction, which could be quite difficult in the moment at first, as one is used to reacting in anger, and has accepted and validated such a reaction. Thus one has to stop justifying and accepting the reaction, to then be able to stop participating in it, and one will have to consistently stop participation in the reaction, until the reaction eventually stops coming up, because the pattern of behavior was formed over participating in the behavior many times again and again, thus one will have to consistently now walk the pattern in 'reverse' by no longer participating in it, until it's gone.
I did not realize just what it would take to actually change oneself and no longer be affected/controlled by one's past. If I had, I would have realized right away the deception of the idea that one can, in just an instant, change oneself completely. I had to walk through the experience to see/realize that indeed, just wanting/hoping/wishing to change is not doing the actual necessary practical application required to actually change oneself. In fact, one is simply just hoping/wishing/wanting to change, but not actually changing. And that was what I found within my experience, was that I didn't change - I continued to exist and live as the patterns I'd been existing/living as.
It wasn't until this was presented to me by Desteni that I was able to understand/see/realize just what it takes/what is necessary to actually change oneself. There is literally nowhere in existence that this process of self change is explained/presented in common sense of what it actually takes to change. What you see is so often these ideas that one can just change simply by deciding to, and not taking into account how who we are and the patterns we're living as actually were formed and established over time.
Then you also have many therapies and systems presenting ways to apparently change you or assist you to change, by using mantras or belief systems, which is then where you literally are just 'superimposing' another set of programming/programmed behaviors on top of the ones you already have - obviously that will only compound and complicate things even more, and doesn't assist one to actually get to know oneself, and thus actually change Oneself as Who You Are, but simply creating and adding on more layers of designed personality. It's like 'upgrading' a computer program, and in this you don't get any actual understanding of yourself and how/why you operate, but simply becoming yet another 'system' of preprogrammed behaviors, thus remaining a 'robot' in ignorance of oneself, dependent on the belief system to determine who you are, and thus you're simply a belief system, and not actually a real self-directed human being.
The only effective course that exists today that actually assist and support one through the actual process of self change, in getting to know oneself to be able to change one's patterns and no longer be living as the past simply repeating patterns from the past over and over again, is the Desteni I Process, which is available to all regardless of income, which walks you through the entire process, sharing the practical tools to assist oneself to change one's long-established patterns - the tools of self-writing, self forgiveness, self corrective application, and breath - through which one get to know who they are, effectively release the patterns of the past one has been existing as, and then walk the correction in the moment as how one would actually like to be, instead of repeating the same old patterns using breath to assist oneself to stop participation in the patterns of the past. Through this process within this course one has support throughout as a buddy that walks-with assisting and supporting in the process of self change.
If you're interesting in no longer being directed/a slave to your past, this is the course to take, you will not find this kind of support and effectiveness in any other course any where currently, as for the most part the process of self change hasn't yet been understood, and thus no one is applying an actually effective method. Obviously, what has been done hasn't been effective, as human beings are still existing as their past as preprogrammed behaviors, to such extent that many have come to believe it's not even possible for the human being to change. But I and many others who are walking the course and have been for some years already, are the living proof that human beings can in fact change. And we have documented and shared our process of change for all to see within blogs and vlogs, so that others can actually see the change for themselves, and see that it is real. You can learn more about those who've been walking the process and how they've changed themselves on the Desteni I Process website here.
What is unique to the Desteni I Process, is that it does not change you, but You change you, with assistance and support throughout. Thus you become the directive principle of you, in shaping who and what you will be and become, in self awareness, to become an effective human being in reality. There is also a just-launched new course specifically geared toward becoming effective in relationships based in the same principles of stopping past patterns, to be able to live here as oneself in a way that's effective, and to develop successful relationships - check it out here - if you're tired of having relationships fall apart and not knowing why or what to do about it. You can finally stop wishing/hoping to change, and through these courses actually change yourself for real. 